Oh For Stuck’s Sake

Quick question, does anyone feel stuck? It can be regarding anything. Stuck with your job? Your lack of your job? Your partner? Not having a partner? Or maybe something within?

Fed up feeling stuck having anxiety, depression, being an introvert, being an extrovert? You don’t even know what it is that is making you feel stuck, somewhere where you don’t want to be.

I hear you as I often feel the same.

Lately I wake up, do the same routine as the day before and I have this feeling that has been around for a while, it’s like a companion as its been around so long, and it’s this feeling of not feeling content. A feeling of I want to be achieving something more, something different. That it is not enough to feel just ok.

Then, like a side order of chips, more familiar feelings join me. Guilt. Shame. Self criticism. How could I feel like this? I should be grateful with what I’ve got. Other people are going through far worse. How could I be so ungrateful! And then, with those feelings in tow, off I go and get on with my day.

Lately, I have been aware of how harshly I judge myself. If a friend came up to me and said “you know I’m feeling pretty down” would I invalidate their feelings and shame them for having them as quickly as I do to myself? Absolutely not. Not only would I think their feelings were valid, I would respect them enough that I would listen to them and would want to understand. So why don’t I treat myself the way I would treat a friend? Why do I think so little of myself, that I would brush my own feelings aside and actually feel ashamed of myself for having them? When did I start to be so judgemental and mean to me?

We are not born with feelings like this towards ourselves, they are created and often they can start during our childhood. If we were shown, even unintentionally, in any environment, home, school, social environment, that our feelings were not valid, that we were not important, we can start to believe that it is true. We do not look at that person and think “hey, they are being unkind by projecting their unkindness towards me”.

As children we tend to think “well they have said that so, it must be true. It must be me”. And then the years go by, with that default setting belief, and as the adult we continue to think and subconsciously believe that.

But that belief is wrong. It is not us, it was never because of us. It was a belief that we perceived when we were children, and was installed in us when we didn’t even notice or realise. It was never about us yet we mistakenly took that and owned it about ourselves.

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, understanding, compassion and kindness. If we feel a feeling, we should not feel we have to brush it away under the carpet, because we are not important. We are all important. We are all valid.

So today, I make a change. When these stuck feelings appear, I will acknowledge them. I want to understand them, to feel and to think, why is this feeling here?

One thing I have learned by doing this, is just because I am feeling stuck and want something else, doesn’t mean I am ungrateful for what I already have. Far from it. I think subconsciously I thought you could only have one or the other, meaning if I wanted something else then obviously I was ungrateful for what I already have. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

I am so grateful for everything I have, and sometimes, if I’m honest, it isn’t that I am ungrateful, I was so focussed on the negative I forgot to be aware of what I already have. But equally, there is nothing wrong with wanting to grow and have new opportunities.

Today, I am going to start unsticking some stuck pieces. I am going to show me some more kindness and compassion.

And I am so very grateful to do this.